


it could've been right but i was wrong

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24673420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: After seeing Alex hook up with people, Michael has a realization.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 52
Kudos: 212
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **_prompt from anon_ ** _: I know you requested kylex, but I am a slut for your Malex college AUs sooo can I request prompt 1 for Malex??? I feel like Kyle could absolutely be involved 😁  
> _ _  
> 01\. I’m getting progressively more annoyed at the people you bring back to our apartment and it’s not until a friend jokingly asks if I’m jealous that I realize I’ve developed feelings for you_
> 
> __**[college au prompts](https://spaceskam.tumblr.com/post/620651483530215424/veronicabunchwrites-over-100-college-writing)   
>  **
> 
> as always, if i forgot any tags, let me know
> 
> title: could've been by H.E.R.

The door of the apartment swing open and Alex stumbled in with a parasite clung to his lips and ripping his shirt off.

Michael had to stop mid-bite through his dinner cereal as he watched his roommate and his roommate's face-eater stumbled to his room, the door slamming behind them. Alex's laugh rang out loud enough that he could hear it and it quickly made him lose his appetite.

With a sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and put his bowl in the sink. Michael grabbed Alex's shirt off the floor and folded it, placing it on the table out of the pathetic-ness of his heart. A moan that was distinctly from Alex's body could be heard on the other side of his bedroom door and Michael took that as his cue to sit outside until the succubus left.

In high school, he and Alex had been the best of friends. They were both chronic outcasts and got detention more than a few times together freshman year which was really how they met. Well, that, and they both stood against the Loner Wall during lunch. Turns out, loners could be loners together.

By the time junior year rolled around, they were inseparable. Where one of them was, the other was sure to be close by. It was just how they were. Alex eventually built the courage to come out and Michael had no problem with it which really only made them closer. Once they knew they were going to the same college, the only logical decision was to get an apartment together.

In theory, it was great. In execution...

"I am a horrible, horrible person," Michael groaned, pulling his knees up to his chest as he held the phone to his ear.

"What did you do?" Isobel asked dryly. Michael rested his chin on his knees and let his eyes drift to the concrete floor of the balcony. It was stained with paint from when Alex had drunkenly done an art project completely naked at 3 in the morning to celebrate the end of their first semester of college.

"I didn't do anything," he told her, "I just... Can someone become homophobic over time?"

"What?"

"When Alex came out, I was fine. Happy for him, even," Michael grumbled, picking at a string on his basketball shorts, "Now every time he brings a guy over, I want to throw up."

"Michael..."

"I know, I'm a piece of shit."

The first year of college had been great. He and Alex were closer than ever, they spent every goddamn moment together. Then sophomore year rolled around and Alex started getting more comfortable with his sexuality. Which was fine.

But then nights like these happened.

Before, in high school, when Alex told him about boys, he didn't really care. He remembered being happy for him and excited for him. Now, though, he just wanted to throw up every goddamn time Alex and a new boy stumbled through the door and headed to his bedroom. He didn't know why he hated it so much, but he did. He really, really did.

"Alex went through a lot to get here. You need to be a good friend and support his hoe season," Isobel lectured. Michael sucked in a long breath, tilting his head back in irritation.

"I'm _trying_ ," Michael said, "It's just annoying. And you know we don't even study together anymore?"

"You don't have any of the same classes anymore," Isobel pointed out. Michael rolled his eyes.

"So? I feel like... I don't know what I feel like, I'm just tired of him fucking guys and running me out of my apartment," Michael grumbled.

"Oh, come on, Michael, he is not running you out of your apartment."

"You think I wanna listen to him plow some guy for an hour?"

"An _hour_? Jeez, that–"

"That is not what you were meant to respond to."

Isobel let out a laugh that slowly died out when Michael didn't say anything.

"Honestly, Michael, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were just mad the person he's fucking isn't you."

"What the fuck, Isobel? No. No, that is not what's happening. Why the fuck would you say that? No, I'm not fucking pining for him, he's my _friend_. End of," Michael told her. She laughed in response.

"Awfully defensive for a guy who definitely is not jealous," she hummed. Michael felt like his face was on fire and his stomach tied in knots.

"Shut up."

Isobel was damn near cackling. "Listen, baby brother, call me back after you've had your epiphany because that closet of yours is made of glass, okay?"

"I am n–"

"I love you, talk to Alex about how you feel and maybe things will click," she said, making a loud kissy noise before she hung up to avoid any more protesting.

Michael found himself letting his blood light on fire for what felt like an eternity, waiting for Alex to get done with his meal. The more he thought about Isobel's words, the more it pissed him off. There was no way he wanted Alex like that. He had never even kind of looked at Alex like that.

Well, there was that dream that one time... Okay, that happened more than once. But that was normal when you spent every day with someone, right? Besides, he never thought about it while he was awake. That summer they went swimming and Michael got so burnt that Alex, while at all states of undress, kept touching him just to leave handprints on his red skin, typically his bare thighs, absolutely did not count.

"Call me?" Alex's pitstop said, stealing Michael out of the train of thought that was only getting worse. Was there a reason he always remembered so much whenever they got drunk and Alex impulsively got naked?

"Um," Alex said, "Sure, maybe. Bye."

Michael slowly slid the door of the balcony more than the crack it already was, pushing himself inside so he could have a talk with Alex.

"Oh, hey, didn't know you were home," Alex said when he came in, flashing that warm smile of his. He was in nothing but his briefs which was normal enough. They'd always been comfortable around each other like that. Now, though, Michael wanted to crawl out of his skin.

"Yeah, how could you? You were a little busy fucking some strange guy," Michael said casually, a little bit more venom than was really warranted. Alex's eyebrows tugged together in confusion.

"I mean, he's not that strange. He's in my stats class," Alex said, eyeing him slightly, "What crawled up your ass?"

"Nothing, sorry," Michael said, looking away as he clenched and unclenched his fists. He focused on what Isobel said about talking to him about it being bothersome. "But, uh, can we talk?"

"What's up?" Alex asked, still staring all skeptically. Michael looked back at him.

"I don't like when you bring guys over all the time. I feel like I'm being kicked out of my own house just so you can get laid by some guy with no standards,” Michael told him. He watched hurt settle into Alex’s pretty features and he wanted to take whatever he said that caused it back, but he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to. He _did_ want Alex to stop being so ridiculous with the people he brought over.

“No standards, huh?” Alex asked.

“Is that all you got from what I said?” Michael scoffed, shaking his head, “Look, I’m just tired of seeing you with guys, Alex.”

“You’ve made out with girls in front of me,” Alex shot back, “Like, if I remember correctly, that was half of high school. Why can’t I have fun?”

“You can, I’m not saying you can, I just don’t want to see or hear it,” Michael said. Alex stared at him for a few seconds too long all the way up until tears started brimming his eyes and he looked away.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll stop,” Alex said, quickly walking towards his room.

Before Michael could even think about what he was doing, he reached out and grabbed Alex’s arm to keep him from going to hide.

“Why are you upset? I’m just asking for you to be considerate that you don’t live alone,” Michael told him. Alex turned to face him, anger etched onto his eyebrows.

“You know what I’m hearing? I’m hearing you say that you’re fine with me being gay as long as you don’t have to see it, the same fucking bullshit homophobes say. I thought you were my friend.”

“I _am_ your friend, doesn’t mean I wanna hear you sleeping with someone else!”

Alex scoffed, “Someone else? What do you mean, someone else? What, you’re cool with hearing me having sex as long as it’s with myself? That’s fucking weird, Guerin.”

“No!” he groaned, pulling his hands to himself and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Again, he was forced to think about the _other_ part of Isobel’s statement. He could hear her voice, hear her mocking him about his stupid fucking Freudian slip. “I-I’m confused.”

Alex stayed for a long moment, giving Michael ample time to explain himself. Except he didn’t fucking know how. He didn't know anything.

"Confused about what?" Alex asked softly. Michael sucked in a deep breath as he thought about it. What was he jealous of?

"Isobel said I sounded jealous," Michael admitted. Again, silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Jealous of what?" he asked. Michael breathed, keeping it as controlled as humanly possible. "Jealous of _what_ , Guerin?"

“I don’t know! She just told me a few minutes ago!” Michael said, his words coming out a sheer whine. He managed to pull his hands away from his eyes just to see Alex staring at him like he was fragile. He wasn’t. Was he? “I don’t know. I just know I hate seeing you with guys and I didn’t used to hate it. I used to be happy for you. Now... I feel sick.”

Alex gulped so hard Michael could see it. Then he looked at Michael, really looked at him, fixing him with a simple look.

“Okay. I think we should both sleep on this new information and then talk about it tomorrow. You need to at least get somewhere on your own that I can work with. I can’t... I can’t, like, force you to know what you’re feeling. You need to find a way to articulate it, okay?” Alex told him. Michael nodded.

Alex took a step forward, giving him a hug goodnight before slipping back into his bedroom. Michael went to his own room, feeling more drained than ever as he crawled into bed.

He laid there for hours, tossing and turning and thinking. By the time morning came, he was exhausted even more, but he knew one thing.

He was absolutely in love with Alex Manes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, they have a little talk.

Alex couldn’t sleep.

Was it possible that Michael actually liked him? Like, like-like? They were close, yes, but Michael, for most of their friendship, felt tragically heterosexual. He was never grossed out by Alex and he was touchy with him, but that's just how Michael _was_. In fact, it only fueled Alex's understanding that be was straight. How can someone be so open and touchy without ever thinking about it unless they were straight?

Turns out, maybe he _was_ thinking about it.

Alex remembered having a crush on him in high school for what felt like ages. He'd kept his hands and his feelings to himself, but he knew he wasn't subtle. The amount of times people assumed they were together was staggering and Michael never seemed to even care or notice.

Once they hit college and started living together, Alex realized if he didn't stop crushing on him, he'd get hurt in a way he couldn't come back from. So, as a last ditch effort to just see if Michael was interested, Alex had spent the summer after their first year of school laying it on thick. Michael never told him to stop, but he never asked for more. The amount of times they'd slept in the same bed, cuddled on the couch, shared drinks, saw each other naked, and everything else should've changed something if Michael wasn't fucking straight.

It'd been over a year and a half since they started that and, yeah, most of it had become apart of their friendship. But the key word was friend. Alex had dedicated his time to finding guys that would actually be interested in him. And it was nice. Alex liked being wanted in a way Michael had never wanted him. It made it easy not to think about it.

But now he just had to be interested.

Once it hit 8 in the morning and Alex had stressed himself out all night thinking about what that meant for his long buried feelings, he rolled out of bed to go get coffee. What if this was a fluke? What if he was trudging up Alex's old feelings for nothing and he just was friend-jealous that they weren't spending as much time together? Alex didn't want to go back to pining if this was just not real.

As he headed into the kitchen though, Michael was already up and dressed in a soft looking sweater and sweats, his hair all tousled from a night in bed. He was undeniably gorgeous and Alex suddenly felt like he needed to go put on a few layers to match his speed.

"Made you coffee," Michael said, handing him a mug as if he knew when Alex would be waking up. Instead of questioning it, Alex accepted it and held it between his palms.

If you looked past how cuddly he seemed, Michael was clearly a wreck. He had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped. They needed to talk. How exactly did one start this conversation? Hopefully, not like the one the night before started. That had gone very badly.

"So, uh..." Michael started.

"You wanna sit down?" Alex asked. Michael nodded, so they headed to the couch. It was probably the farthest they'd sat on the couch from each other since they'd met. "So... Have you thought about it?"

Michael took a long breath, not looking directly at Alex as he tried to find his words. Alex sipped his coffee as he waited patiently.

"How did you know you were gay?"

"I don't think you can really compare your experience to mine," Alex said softly. Michael shook his head.

"I know, but tell me anyway."

"Okay," Alex said, giving him a warm smile, "Well, it wasn't really one moment. I think I always knew. I didn't look at girls like that. When I got a little older, I never had crushes on girls and I honestly didn't realize what I was feeling about boys were crushes until it was explained to me that that's what a crush was. So I was like 13 and realizing that what I was feeling wasn't normal. Not like it's wrong, just... A little different than everyone around me," Alex explained. Michael nodded and seemed to sink into the couch.

"When I was 12 in one of my foster homes, there was a boy there who I idolized. He was, like, 16, but I always wanted to be around him. I would get legit upset when he went out with friends because I wanted him to pay attention to me. Before I left, he got mad at me for wanting to hang out with him and called me gay and a bunch of other shit like that in front of everyone. I don't know if I really had a crush on him, but if I did, I think it scared me from ever realizing if what I was feeling towards other guys was, you know, sexual or romantic or something," Michael admitted.

Empathy for a younger version of Michael ached in Alex's heart. He knew how upsetting, if not legitimately traumatic, a reaction like that could be. Alex typically didn't show any type of affection unless he knew someone was okay with it for that reason. Still, that didn't stop the name calling that made him cautious in the first place.

"Then... What are you feeling right now?" Alex asked, pulling his knee up. Michael blew out a breath and lolled his head in Alex's direction.

"I'm feeling like I probably always had feelings for you but now they're just too big to ignore," Michael admitted. Alex didn't let himself smile, but it definitely bubbled under the surface. His stomach was tense with excitement.

"Yeah?"

Michael cracked a little smile as he looked up at the ceiling.

"I keep thinkin' about high school and how I thought you were so fucking cool, like I'd literally brag about knowing you. That maybe should've been an indicator," Michael suggested. Alex gave a small laugh and Michael's smile widened more. "Or that summer when I got sunburnt and you kept fuckin' squeezing my thigh. Did you know what you were doing? Because that used to really fuck with me and I didn't even notice. I never connected you touching me to me getting riled up even though that was literally the only cause there could've been."

"Um," Alex said, hiding his smile behind his mug, "Yeah, no, I definitely knew what I was doing. I spent that whole summer trying to see if you liked me back."

Michael looked over at him

"Liked you back? So you like me too?" Michael asked. Alex shrugged and sipped his mug.

“I haven’t really let myself think about you like that lately,” Alex admitted. Michael licked his lips and nodded. “But... maybe we could go on a date?”

Michael smiled like the sun had shined just for him. It felt like he’d come to terms with his changing sexuality all too fast. Or maybe it was simply because it was Alex.

“A date?” Michael repeated.

“Yeah,” Alex said, shrugging, “It doesn’t have to be, like, too different from when we normally go out. Honestly, nothing has to be different from how we act now in attempting to date each other. There’s just kissing and stuff involved.”

At that, Michael smiled wider.

“But, you know, if you’re not ready to go out in public on an actual date with another man, I get it,” Alex said. Michael shook his head, turning completely to face him.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, “Well, I mean, maybe if it was someone else. But people have been looking at us together for years, I’m used to it.”

Alex huffed a laugh, “Okay.”

“So,” Michael said, giving that flirty little smile that had never been turned on Alex before. It made his heart beat a little faster and he took another sip of his coffee. “You mentioned kissing.”

Laughter bubbled out of Alex and he shook his head.

“Oh no, we’re working up to that. You _just_ realized you might be queer literally 12 hours ago. We’re not jumping into anything,” Alex told him. He gave a little bit of a dramatic pout.

“God, why do you have to be so responsible?”

“One of us has to be.”

Michael agreed with a shrug and sunk back into the couch, still smiling at Alex. It was sweet and warm and, honestly, Alex was glad to be a comforting person to come out to. He’d really tried to be. Besides, he this could really be the start of... Well, something.

“So, does this mean I no longer have to see you with other guys?” Michael clarified. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yes, at least for now.”

That pout came back. “For now?”

“Yeah, if this works, then no other guys. If it doesn’t, then we’ll discuss,” Alex said, feeling himself get a little more serious as he looked at him, “If this doesn’t work out, I still want to be friends. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to be without you because we can’t work romantically.”

“I agree. That would suck,” Michael said. Alex held out his pinky.

“Pinky swear that whatever happens you’ll still be my favorite person,” Alex said.

Michael grinned and looped their fingers together. Alex could feel the hope radiating off him. He tried not to let himself get his hopes up, but...

“Pinky swear.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
